


So he's back

by Tillymint



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, brief mention of the word torture, reference to assault in brief no details given
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tillymint/pseuds/Tillymint
Summary: Elliot walked out on Olivia years ago and now he's back.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

“At least that is over” Olivia sighed on the steps of the courthouse steps.

“You’re telling me, that was the toughest and longest case we’ve worked on since I can remember” Fin added. 

Amanda nodded in agreement as she raised a hand to wave over Carisi. 

“Well done Carisi, you got him” Olivia said, the tiredness evident in her voice. 

“Nah, you guys did all the hard work, I’m just thankful the jury agreed he was guilty.” Carisi said sounding almost as tired. 

“I think we all need a drink, don’t you?!” Amanda asked the group. 

Carisi and Fin nodded, never one to turn down a drink after a long case, it was a good way to debrief. 

Olivia checked her watch. Amanda knew what was coming. Her Captain was about to bail. 

“If you’re worried about Noah and a sitter, bring him over, Jesse would love a play date, he can stay the night, they would love a sleep over I’m sure, it’s been so long and she’s always asking when she will see him again, it saves you having to wake him up when you’ve had enough” Amanda said. 

She was expecting a flat out no, instead the response took her aback, “Sounds great Amanda, Noah will love it” Olivia replied although looking a little distracted. 

Amanda nodded, “see you at mine in say an hour? Fin, Carisi, feel free to come straight over”. Carisi agreed with a simple nod. 

“I’ll meet you there” Fin said simply.

“See you soon” Amanda called as she and Carisi made there way down the steps and headed in the direction of Amandas. 

“Spill it!” Fin said.

Olivia looked taken aback. “Nothing to say Fin, you know that. These cases just seem to happen all the time now and we don’t seem to make any difference. I have just let it get to me today that’s all. I’ll be fine once I have a drink, you know that” Olivia said with a smile. 

“So it’s not about the rumours then?” Fin asked with some uncertainty.

Olivia looked intrigued, “what rumours Fin?” Olivia asked.

“Oh nothing, its just a silly rumour about, oh look is that Barba?” Fin said, glad of the distraction, it wasn’t the rumour he had been talking about but he didn’t want to go there. Instead he was pleased with the appearance of Rafael Barba, an old friend of the team that had been back in town for a few weeks following a case. 

“Barba!” Fin called hoping this would delay Olivia asking again about the rumour. 

A simple wave back was old Rafael could afford after running late for a case, his facial expression explained it all. 

Fin and Olivia both laughed out loud, he always looked flustered on the way into court but when inside it was like he was a different person. The utmost professional. 

“Come on, lets grab Noah, head to the store and then go and drink to forget today” Fin said as he linked his arm with Olivia. He knew she would ask again about the rumour but for now he just wanted to get a drink with the rest of his team. Olivia sensed this and walked in silence but mulling over what Fin meant, what rumour? She was normally on top of things, she knew most things before the others, but something must have escaped her, she silently agreed to drop it but only for now and only because she was too tired. 

An hour had past and right on time, Fin, Olivia and Noah arrived at Amanda’s. Noah as always ran straight to the door to play a tune, Jesse flung the door open to see her little friend. 

“Noah!” Jesse screamed as she hugged him, Noah returned the hug before running inside to play. 

“Glad those two are friends!” Olivia said, the adults laughing at how easy it was for kids to have fun. 

“Wine, beer, tea?!” Sonny asked.

“Whoa! You moved in Carisi” Fin said with a glint in his eye.

“Er..erm..n..n.no” Sonny said laced with nerves. 

“He’s pulling your leg Sonny” Amanda said with a laugh. “You’re over here most of the time anyway, you just make yourself at home and forget that I’m supposed to be the hostess, but you carry on, I’ll  
have a wine while you’re being so considerate” Amanda laughed. 

“I’ll give you a hand” Olivia said, “Fin, what you drinking tonight? Beer” she asked, already knowing the answer. 

He nodded his affirmative. 

“Just relax Sonny, if it’s meant to be it will be, just relax and don’t stress” Olivia knew what Sonny felt, she was pretty sure that whole team did. 

“Cap, I don’t know what you mean” a look of innocence on his face. 

“I’ve been there Sonny, I know exactly what you are thinking. I just hope yours has a happier ending. My advice, go for it. Times too short” Olivia said with a look of hurt in her eyes. 

Sonny nodded, “hey what are you guys talking about?” Amanda said entering the kitchen “and what’s taking so long with those drinks?” Fin asked, “I was dying of thirst in there” he looked stern before laughing. 

“Here’s to the best team ever!” Olivia said raising her glass.

“Best team ever” the rest repeated. 

It felt so good to get together off the clock. The team had been working night and day recently on a particularly difficult case involving multiple victims. It had managed to stir up painful memories for  
each member of the team but they would never admit it to each other. Each of the four had someone they would speak to in the group, one that knew them better than anyone else. Olivia had been worried about Sonny first, he had gone so quiet at the start of the case but he opened up a little to her at first and then she knew he had been speaking to Amanda frequently she relaxed. She always worried about her team and whether she supported them enough. She would never push them to open up but did encourage them to have someone to speak to. Amanda was tough, or at least she liked to pretend she was, she knew that she would occasionally speak to Fin but Sonny was her go to person. Just like Fin was to her. Fin had been with Olivia though the most difficult periods in her life, he was the only person she had truly relied on and continued to do so. They had a special relationship, one that never crossed a line, it never needed to, there was a mutual love and respect there held by both parties. 

Music and alcohol continued to flow late into the night. The atmosphere completely relaxed unlike that at work. 

“So, when are you two going to finally get together” Fin asked Amanda and Sonny after noticing how close they were on the sofa. 

“Leave it out Fin” Carisi said feeling flushed. 

“Why Sonny? Are you embarrassed to be with me?” Amanda asked in a joking tone. 

“Absolutely not, it would be an honour!” Sonny said half joking and half seriously. 

Olivia laughed. 

“You two are worse then I was with Elliot” Olivia said without her words registering in her mind. 

Fin looked taken aback, Olivia didn’t often mention Elliot. Fin remembered when he up and left without so much as a goodbye, Olivia was heartbroken and Fin hated the guy for leaving her like that. 

“I don’t think we are that bad, Cap! How long where you partners for?” Sonny said laughing. 

“Anyone want another drink” Fin asked after catching a look at Olivia’s face, he could tell, she didn’t want to continue with this conversation. 

“Have you seen him since he’s been back?” Amanda said.

For a second Olivia’s world stopped. “He…he’s back” she asked, her voice shaking. 

Amanda nodded, she had had too much to drink to notice the change in Oliva, Fin wasn’t though, he hung his head. The rumour, finally, it made sense, this was what Fin was talking about. 

“He’s back?” she almost spat out. 

“Apparently so, someone I know said he had a case, something about organised crime” Amanda was still oblivious, but Sonny had started to notice the change in atmosphere. 

“I think you need to drop it Rollins” Sonny warned. It was only then with the use of her surname that she realised that she had overstepped a mark. 

“I’m sorry Olivia, I thought he might have been in touch”.

Fin shook his head, “I only found out today Liv, it just didn’t seem the right time to say anything.”

“I think it’s time I went home” Olivia said abruptly. 

Fin looked at her ready to protest about her leaving but thought better of it. “Let me walk you home?”

Olivia nodded but couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

Quickly the pair said their goodbyes before entering the cold night air. 

“Liv, I’m sorry. I was trying to protect you. I know what you went through, I know the pain he caused and how you felt. I didn’t want you to feel that again. I wanted to keep you safe. I wanted to protect you in case he didn’t reach out” Fin explained. 

Olivia knew in her heart that Fin was right, she had been a mess when Elliot had left. She struggled to cope and gel with new partners but finally after a couple of years she began to get stronger, she moved forward. And now, apparently, he was back in the city, without having the decency to contact her. 

It didn’t take long to get to Olivia’s apartment, “night Liv” Fin said as he stood there unsure what to do. “Fin, I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at him, you know that don’t you?” 

Fin nodded, “night Liv”.

Olivia kissed her friend on the cheek, “goodnight Fin”.

Olivia turned the key in her door, she just wanted to get into her apartment before the tears came. She had lost count of the amount of times she had cried over him. She didn’t even bother to change she just slumped onto her bed and let the tears fall. 

Lying in the dark, crying in the midnight rain, she rolled over, switched on her bedside lamp and removed a well read letter from the draw next to her. It was obvious that Olivia handled the paper on a regular basis, it was beginning to look old and battered, she didn’t need the paper anymore, she new the words off by heart, but still despite what was written it bought her some comfort.  
‘I know that I caused this pain and I know if I stay you wouldn’t let me go. I know if I stay I wouldn’t be able to let you go and that’s not fair on you. So, despite this being the hardest thing I have ever had to write or do, I release you Liv! I release you to get on with your life without me. You know longer need to build those bridges I burned. You are released from the darkness, the sun will now shine for you Liv, without me, you will see that, just give it time. You have changed my heart Liv, it was and always will be yours but there is too much darkness and you deserve the sun. I hope one day to see the sun again Liv, I hope to see it shine with you but I need to release you in order for you to release me. Don’t forget Olivia, you are my Liv and the best partner a man could ever have. Love always, E.’

Now he’s back. He didn’t even contact her. He really had released her, the only problem was, she had never released him. The love she had for him was true, something she would never be released from.


	2. Chapter 2

The night felt like it would never end, the darkness consuming her thoughts. A couple of hours had past before she decided to get off the bed, the letter still in her hand. She tried to shake the memories of him, of them out of her mind with no avail. Finally changing out of her work clothes she opted for something comfy and went to put on the kettle, she would prefer another drink but knew that would get her nowhere. Instead, her head was making sensible choices, a tea would do. Olivia was grateful that Noah was out of the apartment and staying at Amanda’s. Olivia felt the need to be on her own, she felt she was mourning her friendship all over again. At the beginning this was a daily occurrence, however as the years past so did some of the darkness she felt. Her heart had been filled with her son and the close friendships she had made with her team and those that had left but had the decency to speak to her before and keep in contact since, Nick, Peter, Rafael, all had moved on, but not from Olivia, she had grown close to each of them, not romantically, but there was a special connection between them, one that she was grateful for. It was similar to the connection she had built with Fin. Olivia smiled at the thought of her friends, Fin had been her rock, they became firm friends from the moment he joined SVU often partnering with Olivia when either of their partners were unavailable. He had been the one that was around, the one that kept an eye on her, the one that was there night or day for his friend, when Elliot took off without saying bye to any of the squad. Fin had a fractured relationship with Elliot, they got on but Fin wouldn’t class them as friends, especially after the hurt he had caused Olivia, Fin could never forgive that and Olivia knew this. She often thought of the sacrifices Fin made for her, the missing out on family time to keep an eye on her. She was always grateful for his friendship, she loved him and she knew he loved her back. 

She knew she should send him a message to say she was ok. This had become common practice when Elliot first left, Fin would drop a text every day just checking in. Olivia hadn’t realised at the time that she needed them, she would never tell Fin that though. It took seconds to type, I’m ok, and hit send, almost instantly, a simple one word reply, good, came through. Olivia laughed out loud, he was so predictable. She knew he would finally relax now he knew she was safe. 

Olivia grabbed her diary from the bookcase on the shelf in her living room. She had grown accustomed to writing in a diary ever since she started therapy after an undercover assignment went south. She hadn’t understood how much it helped until she decided to give it a go. She thought back to the first time she picked it up and opened the first page, putting pen to paper had felt so daunting at first. She was sure hours must have passed before she finally wrote something however she remembered checking the clock and it was a matter of minutes. She opened her first diary that she had started, the memories of her past came flooding back. On the front page, staring straight at her over and over again was his name, Elliot. She looked at how often she wrote his name, she couldn’t even count on two hands. She turned the page and noticed the same thing again.

While they worked together, he had her life. He consumed every aspect of her life and if she was honest, she did his too. Despite his marriage and kids, he always seemed to subconsciously chose Olivia. She remembered the time his chose her when he thought she had been injured by a suspect, in that split second, that choice had cost a child his life. Both Olivia and Elliot struggled after that for a period of time, Olivia even asked for reassignment to try to put distance between them. It didn’t work though, she ended up back, nothing could keep them apart. The love between them was clear for everyone to see, although they were never physical with each other, the emotional connection they felt was above anything either had felt before. In a way, they had been having an emotional affair for years.   
He had been her best friend, the person she relied on most. He had been there through her darkest times, when her mother died, when she was nearly assaulted while undercover, Olivia shuddered at the memory, she was so thankful Fin arrived when he did, it could have been a different story if he didn’t. She shook that thought out of her mind, not willing to let herself think of that again. She had worked hard to move on and that was now in the past and that was were it needed to stay. 

She allowed her thoughts to drift to happier times and noticed that Elliot had never been there for her happiest times, when she adopted Noah, it was her team, Nick, Fin, Rafael, Amanda, Sonny that had been there with her to celebrate. It was those that was with her when she got her promotions making her way to her Captain position that she held now.   
By now the sun was up and she would expect Noah home shortly, she knew Amanda had things to do, she was about to get herself ready for the day ahead still smiling at the happy thoughts and just about to close her diary until she saw Lewis written in bold, she felt her body tense up as the memories returned. She hadn’t been as lucky with keeping these thoughts in the back of her mind, neatly in a box never to think of again. For four days she was held hostage and tortured, her body still held the scars, a constant reminder of what had happened. No matter how hard she tried, she could not forgot those memories, she expected them to make her stronger but in honesty she felt weaker, not that she would ever tell anyone, well not explicitly anyway. Fin knew, she had spoken a little more to him then anyone else. She didn’t want anyone to think less of her and wanted to continue with her strong persona. She knew her team knew that more happened then she spoke about but they respected her enough to not push it and accept what she was willing to say. 

She had naively thought he might get in touch with her after the ordeal. It had been plastered on the news for the days she was held and following too. She received nothing but radio silence. She remembered a promise he made to her all those years ago, ‘I’ll always have your back no matter what’ Olivia had always clung to that thought. She had come to learn though that he didn’t mean it, that he didn’t care, he truly had released her. The more she thought about it the more wound up she got. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he did nothing to check she was ok. Olivia remembered the feelings she had, when she was freed, the one person, apparent from Noah that she needed to see was Elliot, the thought of him, her old partner, her best friend had kept her going throughout it. She was sure he would break whatever rule he had put upon himself to see her, to go to her when she needed him, when she was lost. She needed him to heal, to heal himself, her and them. She needed safety when she was freed, a safety she had only ever felt with him. He didn’t come though. He didn’t reach out to anyone in the team. Olivia knew Fin had tried. He tried to be there, he was with her night and day for weeks after, not letting her out his sight and she appreciated it, he wasn’t Elliot though. Fin had tried to contact him, tried old numbers, even called in old favours from friends he’d not spoke to in years but nobody seemed to be able to get hold of Elliot and even if they did they didn’t admit it to Fin. He had kept it a secret from Olivia, he didn’t want to let her know he failed her, he so wanted to find Elliot to help her heal but he couldn’t. Olivia knew what he was trying and it made her love her friend even more, she never spoke of it though, just knowing Fin understood and was trying to help was enough.   
Olivia realised that she was crying, crying over the hurt she had endured with him leaving without saying a word, the pain and hurt she had gone through without him caring or being there. She was angry, angry and hurt. She had wasted so much time crying over him, yet she just couldn’t stop. 

A knock on the door stopped her thoughts in their tracks. She wiped away the tears as she went to open the door to her little boy, needing to hold her son. As the door opened, it wasn't her little boy standing there looking back at her, it was the man she loved the man she'd love for years, the man that had given them up, the man that had given up on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not sure whether to carry this on or not, would you like more

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at an SVU fic, please let me know what you think and if you want more.


End file.
